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Till this day, I do not trust my cousin. She often texts me wishing me a happy birthday. I assume it is my mother that gave her my number. Her husband also texted me, Eid Mubarak. I asked my mother how he obtained my number. She shrugged stating that he must have gotten it from her or my father. My cousin recently bought a house and has invited me to her place many times. I have not once stepped into her home. She will call my mom and ask “why is Shata so distant?” My mom will say “oh she’s just antisocial.” I had to stop midway when writing this answer. I had repressed that memory for so long, I had nearly forgotten it. Initially, the Family tree genealogy shirt and by the same token and answer was supposed to be about my cousin but for some reason, the incident with her husband came to mind. I felt a foreign pain in my chest as tears began to just pour from my eyes. All my life my parents made me feel insignificant. No matter what I did. I wasn’t good enough. As this memory resurfaced I thought to myself “your life is so fucked up. You got abused in countless ways. Yet they didn’t fucking care. The marriage, the molestation, the oppressive culture. All of it is fucking bullshit.” I don’t forget. I’m the type of person that will never trust a person again after the trust is broken. My cousin denied her husband touching a child. She pretends like everything is okay and then wants to know why I don’t give a flying fuck about her. All my life, I’ve had Bengali men force themselves on me. When I cried for help, when I tried to get the behavior to stop, when I tried to reach for an authoritative figure, I was told to shut up. I was made out to be the problem. I was silenced, invalidated, and disregarded. Any case that has meth allegations has to stay open for 30 days. She came back on 12/15, and I was good. Until the day before. She came back for a screen to close my case & I failed. They took my daughter, and Red Cross messaged my husband in Afghanistan. I picked him up from the airport on Christmas Day. Before the new year rang in, he made me leave. So now I’m back to nothing, and nowhere to go.
We were shopping there one day and as usual, my daughter plowed thru the Family tree genealogy shirt and by the same token and racks and dropped the things she wanted in my arms. So there I am just standing in one spot, arms full of cute teen clothes in an impossibly tiny size and waiting for my daughter to finish. A very snotty sales girl, probably late teens herself, moved past me and mumbled something about ‘‘old ladies trying to dress young and cool”. I looked right at her, dropped the entire armload of clothes on the floor for her to clean up and left with my daughter. I took her to a much nicer store and dropped $500 on clothes for her. Made sure to walk past that first store with all my purchases dangling off our arms. This happened to my girlfriend. She put in good hard work at her former employers that I will leave nameless. She then had an incident at work where she got attacked (nothing sexual) and her job had more sympathy for the other guy then her. After that, she quit immediately and found another job at a restaurant. That restaurant pulled something similar then she found her current job where she is doing good work for good pay. And after she got her current job, her former employers tried reaching out on several occasions after Covid-19 came to light, to try to get her to come back and help out. She laughed at them pretty hard and hung up the phone right away. She finally divorced him a couple of years ago after a horrible existence with him. Their divorce included a condition that ‘however outlives the other will get the house. It was an unusual agreement, but she moved on and he wanted to stay put. She was nice enough to ‘let him keep the house, under the conditions. He also started telling me how he punched the ground and walls to feel anything, even if it was pain. That kinda freaked me out because I know way too much about serial killers and the three main things are animal killing, self-harm, and bedwetting. Obviously that last one is more kid stuff but the other two are big red flags. Now i added in his obsession with me and my friend and I felt like it was too dangerous to stay friends. I felt like one fight or one refusal to do something and he’d snap and hurt me.
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